We’re all familiar with the pattern by now.
A politician is in the headlines, a politician pens a self-flattering book, and the politician promotes said self-flattering book to line their pockets.
However, John Fetterman stands apart. I’ve seldom encountered such an intensely honest portrayal of the battle with depression, even to the brink of considering suicide.
There’s an excerpt in the Free Press, and it’s captivating.
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The Pennsylvania senator has always been a distinctive figure: a towering six-foot-eight, conducting interviews in hoodies, and not quite liberal enough for a significant portion of his Democratic Party.
Fetterman, as you may remember, experienced a stroke shortly before securing the Democratic nomination for his Senate seat.
His wife, Gisele, noticed a downturn in his mouth and promptly took him to a nearby hospital, which, thankfully, was only 10 minutes away.
The surgery was life-saving, but he struggled to grasp words and phrases, relying on an iPhone with closed-captioning to communicate.
Fetterman’s condition improved, “but looking back, I should have stepped down.”
He was constantly in the spotlight on Fox, or under fire from Dr. Mehmet Oz and his supporters: labeled “Uncle Festerman [in an] oversize gym-rat costume,” deemed “unfit to run,” described as “the guy can’t talk,” a “wax dummy,” with questions like “where does the man end and the machine.” And on social media, he faced insults like “Vegetable. Moron. Retard.”
This weighed heavily on him: “a defining trait of depression, the foundation of which I had likely grappled with since childhood. My parents were only 19 when I was conceived, and I’ve always felt responsible for their inability to pursue their own aspirations. When your self-perception is poor, as mine was growing up, you tend toward shame. You tend toward feeling unloved.”
“This tendency persisted even into adulthood…”
“Is this my life from now on?”
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Then came the debate with Oz. It was a disaster.
“This was a pivotal moment that would determine the election’s outcome, and I had failed. I’d choked.”
“During the entire three-and-a-half-hour journey back from the debate, I obsessively read reactions on X, feeding on the shame that often sustains those with depression…”
“For months, I was consumed by suicidal thoughts. Paranoid. Not eating. Not sleeping. Not speaking. Not functioning. Resigned. Ashamed. Despairing. Despairing in every aspect of my life. Up was down, and down was up.” Yet, he still won by 5 points.
“Once, while lying in bed,” Fetterman recounted, “I wondered, What would you do if there were a pill on the nightstand you could take and never wake up? I would have taken it.”
Gisele told him “I couldn’t come home until I was back to being myself: The impact on our children was too significant.” So, the senator temporarily moved in with his parents.
“By February, I had lost my appetite and refused to speak to anyone…”
“I started to feel more alive and invigorated than I had in months. I was present. I felt energy.”
“However, significant challenges remained. I was terrified to see my family.”
“A young therapist-in-training came to talk to me one day. ‘Gisele and the kids are thinking about visiting,’ she said.”
“I don’t believe that’s a good idea.” The following day: “The kids are better off without me.”
“At that moment, she abandoned her professional demeanor and said the most impactful words I’ve ever heard:”
“Children need their daddy.”
The visit at a Wendy’s was a success. Everyone was at ease. He needed their love.
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Regardless of your opinion of John Fetterman, whether you believe he should resign, or whether you consider him a poor senator, if you can read that without feeling something, you lack empathy.
Depression is a widespread problem in our society. Many individuals rely on various medications to manage it, or engage in long-term therapy, or both.
I’ve rarely encountered such a raw and honest depiction of the struggles of depression, especially from a sitting official. It undoubtedly deepened my understanding of this devastating illness, and I hope it does the same for you.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
